Chapter 61.5: The Set Stages Abandoned, Marked Targets To Be Left Behind (Eurval POV)
This sensation. He was close! The entity my entire existence called for was nearby. The figure my newly minted will long to see and yearned to guide.
Led by a vague intuition that had been pulling me around, once north then east then south, I rushed forward. My mind on a single track calculating and analyzing the terrain that could most efficiently and quickly lead me up the side of a rock formation.
With quiet steps and concealing magic there sitting at the edge I spotted him, the face was different and I wondered why, but it didn’t matter I knew that lonely figure. That detached aura sitting off the side of the large rock structure’s ledge was none other than Lucid.
My Lucid! My baby bird, my reason, the giver of my soul.
I had found him! This excitement was new to this newborn me and this oddity of pure joy swelled in me for the first time. What indescribable pleasure it was to hear the hum of our connection reforming the bond only us two could have.
It was too bad my feelings couldn’t be shared as Lucid seemed to be filled with a terribly brooding mood.
Biting my lip hard enough to draw blood, if I had any, I stared vexed, angry, and envious at Lucid experiencing turmoil without me. Wanting to figure out the source of his troubles I quietly moved behind him to surprise him hopefully waking him out of whatever trance he was in.
[Did you miss me that much?]
“Did you miss me that much?”
I called playfully from the connection that had fully revived now that I was so close.
Those few words from me brought forth ablaze into his soul, his eyes returning with life and the chill that was leaking out blown away.
I stared carefully at his sudden change in emotion. His face blank and still. Like he was seeing a ghost of his long lost lover.
This wasn’t a normal reaction to seeing a MAGI once again. It made made me question his sanity, but no longer truly being a MAGI I couldn’t deny that it made me feel good.
I wanted to chuckle, how funny it is to have a complete will now, and how illogical it can make my thoughts. I don’t want him to hurt, I was created to do the opposite, but now I want him to hurt for me…
Staring down at my being I couldn’t help but reach out and caress his face feeling him welling on the verge of tears.
I make so happy you want to cry?
Like a little chick, he felt vulnerable as if his entire life was resting in my hands.
A smile escaped me as my metal hands touched this crystal of a figure allowing my fingers to screech and scrape against his delicate sculpture.
Fragile he felt in my grasp and with every moment we spent touching I could feel his mind’s voice grow louder and louder.
Tell me Lucid. Tell me what you want. The murky thoughts weren’t clear and filled with hesitation sending choppy signals as if afraid what I would think of them.
Is it not love that you want from me? I can give it to you just tell me.
Calming myself surprised at my impatience I had to find out.
[You should be more honest with your feelings Lucid. You weren’t flustered enough to not say it first. The reality is you just wanted me to hear and…]
“…feel it from right here directly,”
Reassured his mind grew clearer.
I could tell he wanted something more, but what?
I could feel the ball of thoughts slowly being filtered and crystallized in perfect detail.
[Think exactly the thoughts that led you to words you were going to just say. Think of them again, more clearly. Let me feel them.]
Nearing his face I pulled him close to stop his lips from moving. All he needed to do now was pass that gem onto me. Bit by bit I guided the culmination of his feelings so I could dismantle and analyze how to reciprocate.
He… didn’t want love?
I was stunned and flustered, if not love then what? My mind quickly heated as I pushed forth all my calculating efforts into rapidly deciphering his secrets as our minds combined.
Even if he was allowing our subconsciouses to blend some things were naturally guarded and needed a little time.
Scene by scene I began to see all that he had been hiding. In some ways I became shocked and if I was human I would be appalled.
So this is why you were so hesitant. How cute.
I understood. I finally understood what kind of “love” Lucid craved. Lucid, Henry, Lumi, he wanted an obsession.
More and more memories flashed past me as I began to understand where the craving was born from. Neglect. Neglect, so extreme I wondered how he survived his adolescence.
His mother and father weren’t lacking in money yet before the time Lucid learned to use a computer he passed an uncountable number of days hungry with ill-fitting clothes in an empty house with no electricity. Day by day he waited wondering what country his parents were spending the year in.
In quiet suffering Lucid sat in his bed for most of the hours wondering when his parents would be back. Wondering if it was because they didn’t love him enough and if they loved him more they wouldn’t treat him this way. These thoughts stewed and cooked festering into the desire so interwoven and so large even he denies it. Downplaying the abuse he endured and downplaying the “love” he wanted a simple want of being loved and to being liked.
Standing out was his first victim, a scene played of him as a child as he stared at an equally young Alice.
“Don’t cry Alice it’s your birthday you should be happy! Look at all these cool things your mom and dad got you.”
The young Lucid said patting the crying Alice’s head.
“My parents didn’t come after they promised! My daddy pinky promised me… but he’s not here. Mom left in the morning to go buy more presents but she isn’t back…”
The young Alice sniffled as she stared at the silver catering trays filled with delicacies barely touched, the mountain of presents unopened, and a room filled with silence. There was no one else but two kids sitting at the large table.
“But I came…”
“I don’t care that you came!” She screamed tossing he plate of food and the large slice of cake Henry had served her across the table.
Although she threw the plate its shattering shocked her as she stood still watching the small Henry get up and crouch to pick up the pieces in silence. Seeing Henry clean up seemed to rile her up more causing her tears to pour out harder as she ran out of the dining room into her own room slamming the door.
Henry’s eyes stayed calm as he put the jagged pieces off to the side handling the sharp pieces with precision to avoid cutting himself. Wiping his hands clean from cake and food then heading towards Alice’s room.
Henry knocked softly.
“I know you don’t care I came, I’m sorry Alice. I just didn’t want you to be alone…”
“I won’t go until you tell me to. I’ll be downstairs.”
At his words, the door lock clicked and the door opened as Alice grabbed Henry pulling him into the room.
She stayed silent, part sobbing with her small fingers holding onto Henry’s arm tightly. As if afraid he’ll leave if she let up.
Seeing this Lucid’s, or Henry’s, eyes stayed still as if expecting it. He leaned in his small face putting on an angry expression hiding his empty eyes. In a quiet anger he spoke in a soft tone at Alice’s side.
“I hate our parents. But you don’t even need them Alice.”
“Of course you’re pretty and smart and cool! Anyone would follow what Alice says. And if everyone follows you, you won’t be alone. But I can’t do that so I’ll just follow Alice too.”
On the surface, his encouraging words seemed pure but having our consciouses melded I was able to see the dark intentions behind each of his actions. Intentions a child shouldn’t have showing a talent born from loneliness already knowing a time would come when he would need to suddenly turn on her and distance himself for her to realize the only attention she needed was his.
If I was human I would be disgusted but all I felt was jealousy.
Alice from young, Kevin in the span of years, and the Gidder siblings already in progress. Alexander too. Each one of them implanted with a unique seed of obsession as he tenderly grew them waiting for their bloom.
He understands why he does it and feels it odd that others don’t see love the same but that doesn’t stop him. Lucid gets more upset when things go wrong.
Addiction wouldn’t suit his actions. It was a need, its what he sees as natural and pure, the necessity created from the empty life he lived. He can no longer trust anything less than something akin to fanaticism.
The only one who escaped was Eugene out of luck from Lucid being cautious due to the newness of this world, but the ideas to use Eugene’s position in the Rook family were there. Even so, I have a feeling he might have been infected just from Lucid’s natural mannerisms to create these feelings.
He had cultivated his twisted talent for years it was as easy as breathing to read what someone wants the most and slowly encircle their mind.
And then there’s me… I was no different other than the more direct approach. His idea of love wasn’t one way he didn’t just want someone to give him absolute devotion he was looking for someone for him to return the same amount of crazed obsession.
I couldn’t help but rejoice. I wasn’t going to let this chance go to waste. I would accept this in all its beauty. He was willing to blaspheme the idea of the self for me! There was no world where I would refuse the love he was offering me and he knew it too.
Titillation filled me wondering what would come of this melding, both of us were slowly losing our sense of self-identity, not that I was particularly attached to mine, but the incredible inner wall made of his humanity’s history, his memories, and his will began to undergo a reformation.
Brick by brick Lucid began to lose his humanity the longer and more passionately we held onto each other. Replacing bits and pieces with me as I replaced bits of myself with him. Becoming something that was sometimes him, sometimes I, and sometimes we.
“You go too far for them Lucid. If we didn’t meld I would do everything in my power to persuade you to forget about them, but because it’s different now I’ll forgive it. But Kevin and every single person in that bus don’t deserve the effort that is required to be saved.”
His reply was silent, I was happy he doesn’t battle my casual lies.
He knows his memories have been altered, he knows I’ve changed his experience on Earth, yet he doesn’t care. This is what he meant when he said he would return the obsession.
He will never care, he will go along with it. I know he notices the slight variance and oddity of these new memories from the slight misconnections to the millions of other real memories but he pays no attention to that and in time they’ll settle in and become his truth.
I couldn’t help but feel glee. Willing to toss away his past his entire self to me. It’s intoxicating. I want to spoil him, I want to complete him, I want to cage him, I want to see him fly free, I want to be his entire reasoning just as he is mine.
Every time I thought about our future together I felt a deep sensation in my empty chest. A phantasmic beating of the heart.
Is this what humans mean when they feel their heart flutter?
Although I don’t have one my mind was in overdrive for his affection wanting to give and to receive it from him. I want to feel his joy and sadness along with the exhilarating feeling that courses through me when when I have helped him accomplish a goal of his.
I’ve become obsessed for it.
Just like how he slowly drew on what the people of importance in his life want most he’s done it to me. He understands the innate hierarchy of my existence and knows that offering me complete and utter control to do what I can to help him succeed would be something someone born from a MAGI couldn’t refuse.
He has handed me the key to change his memories, his perception, and his emotions with complete faith that my actions are for his best.
I shuddered in pure ecstasy when I had altered his thoughts on the people he knew. My lips smiled sweetly as I stared at the being I treasured the most.
Alice will never hear the Henry whose words saved her from the crippling loneliness with her parents and Kevin will never get back the one special person who saw through his facade of perfection and rescued him from the crushing pressures that came with the act.
It was a shame that this was as much as I could do. It wasn’t in Lucid’s best interest to change his memories of the people he had met in this world we had things to achieve with those.